Does it not seem as if I'm posting about the same thing over and over again?

I was feeling so optimistic this week that things were looking up for Isaiah.  I even thought that he might be able to return to school next week.  The inhaler that he was prescribed really seemed to be helping his cough.  Although his energy has remained somewhat low, I was feeling confident that we were on the upswing.

Last night, David and I had all the kids in bed (AND SLEEPING!) by 8pm and were so excited to cuddle up on the couch for a Friday night movie.  The tea was brewed, chocolate was taken from the treat cupboard and we had a great movie picked out.  As exhausted parents, who could ask for a more perfect date?!

Roughly thirty minutes into the movie, I ran upstairs to check all three kids (because I'm a paranoid mom and do this every night - don't judge me...I know all you moms out there probably check your kids when you wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night).  Anyway, Isaiah felt a little warm to me so I took his temperature.  Fever.  Again.

I came downstairs to break the bad news to Dave.  Movie was turned off and I packed my bag for the hospital.  Once we got to emergency, everything was very routine.  I was expecting that we'd be sent home after his dose of antibiotics, since this was the case for the past few weeks.  However, because he was neutropenic, we were admitted.

I had a good cry last night and feel much better today.  Unfortunately it was the oncologist-on-call who was the lucky recipient of my emotional eruption.  I feel like I've handled myself pretty well for Isaiah throughout his journey and have remained strong, but there are definitely those moments (away from Isaiah's ears and eyes) where I feel overwhelmed, especially now with him not having had a healthy week since November.  Despite the anguish I feel as a mother of a sick child, I do feel blessed with the life God has apportioned to me.  

God's purposes for our lives aren't always accomplished in the victories.  Sometimes His will must be accomplished through our tribulations.  Ultimately, God is not concerned about our momentary happiness but our eternal joy.  That joy can only be experienced in relationship with Him and I'm reminded of that during the difficulties of life.  There are never any guarantees in this life.  My hope remains in Jesus and it is toward eternity where I have fixed my eyes.